January 25, 2022
Tonight I am wide awake, head spinning, sick to my stomach. The answer for that feeling is simple, I overthink. I overthink way more than normal. Believe me, I do everything I can to tell myself I am making up scenarios or crazy. The reality is, our brains are the strongest muscle we have and it is capable of so much more than we can control. I’m not the first to overthink nor will I be the last.
When I overthink I feel like I can’t breathe, like I can barely keep my head above rising water. Don’t get me wrong I turn to my support systems for help to talk me down. Tonight even I texted one of my close friends to express how I felt, and regardless of her efforts I find myself here still reeling through my mind of thoughts. My thoughts have been running through my head and laying on my heart heavy this past week. Today I woke up in efforts to fight it off, going to the gym, meal prepping, and by all means distracting myself in any way I could think of. In the midst of all of this I made a realization; I do not know the last time I sat down and truly talked to God.
My prayers have consisted of small asks that have recently gone unanswered. It’s been over a week since I wrote in my journal and had an open conversation with the only person in my life who knows me completely. I don’t find it coincidental at all that my life feels like it is going awry when I turn my back on my relationship with God. The only person who has control of my life is God, not me, no matter what I may think. Naturally my head spins when I distance myself from Him.
I don’t expect my overthinking and anxiety to magically disappear overnight. What I do know and expect is that if I trust in Him, I will be okay. See God has a wonderful plan for my life and for yours, but only He knows about it. While I can guess and assume, only He truly knows how my life will turn out. I’ve learned by the loss of friends at a young age how little guarantees there are in life. All I can do is trust that God’s plan for my life will prevail for however long I have on this Earth.
Overthinking is normal. It is important to remind myself that it cannot get the best of me if I don’t let it. I can continue to turn to God, to turn to my family and my friends. It may not always help, but it is better than letting it quietly get the best of me. I understand that not everyone finds comfort in faith like I do, but I can only hope that you have a support system like I have to turn to. Even if you don’t, I hope you know you are not alone and that I am struggling along side of you. The beauty of this world is that no matter how alone you may feel in somethings, if you simply reach out you will realize you never truly are alone.