May 1, 2021
Okay so I am sitting here looking at a blank screen a bit unsure of what to write. I have been thinking about all the things I want to say and constantly come up short. I feel like every other week is subject to change at any moment. One second I’m on top of the world and the next I am being weighed down by stress or a heavy heart. So today I just sat down and decided to write. I hope you’ll put up with me long enough to see where I am going with all of this.
One thing I’ve learned in these past few months is to take up your stressors head on. My last semester was full of constant stress, and I felt like I could never quite catch my breath. I literally had hair falling out, I was exhausted all the time, and I was an overall mess. At the beginning of this semester I decided that I would never let myself feel that anxious and stressed ever again. I created a massive document full of every assignment of the semester so that I could ensure they would get done. I got up each day, tried my best to work out, attend class, and get my assignments done on time. I may have felt stress at times but it was nothing like the previous semester. I took the time to work on myself and get better, and naturally everything else in my life seemed to follow closely behind.
I focused on my friends for a change. No more searching for the perfect relationship or simple attention to keep me occupied. Don’t get me wrong I would slip at times out of boredom or loneliness, but this semester was all about my girls. I grew such strong relationships with my friends that I know can’t go a week without them. I’m not kidding I’m going to Cleveland two weeks in a row to see my best friend because I couldn’t handle being apart for a month. I surrounded myself with friends who reminded me each day why I’m enough and why I don’t need relationships with men to fulfill me. I let myself go on real dates this semester, and although they didn’t end in a relationship they taught me a lot about how I deserve to be treated. If my friends can put up with my highs and lows, so can the right guy. I shouldn’t have to settle for the bare minimum and I’m not going to anymore. My friends helped me caught off the toxic relationships I tend to hold onto just in case. I learned that the right thing will come when the time is right and it’s definitely not going to come when I am looking for it.
What I figured out in the past six months is that putting yourself first isn’t always selfish. God created you and He has already written your plan. No matter what you want to happen, His plan is going to prevail in the end. So why not take the time to focus on you and better yourself while you can and trust in His plan for you in the meantime. I can say that I am pretty happy and healthy, that’s all I can really ask for. I have amazing friends and family, anything else will come in the right time. Until then, I urge you to focus on you and what God intends for you. I promise it will work out eventually if you keep the faith and put yourself first for once.